Paperweight
by Vietta
Summary: Reno's pet turtle dies and Tseng is there to comfort him..well, sort of. Anyone who reads this will hate ants for a looong time.


Tseng watched Reno sneak down the hall, more intrigued than he wanted to admit. The red-head had something stuffed inside his jacket, something large and very quiet, and he wanted to know what it was. Tseng pulled himself out of his well-worn chair and followed the red-head to his office, doing his best not to alarm the often skittish employee. He wasn't peeking at whatever Reno had because he was excited about whatever it was; he was peeking in for the safety of both the thing and the man; along with the safety of anyone stupid enough to enter Reno's ridiculously hazardous office. Reno had a bad habit of adopting animals better left in the wild and the massive amount of potentially venomous spiders, bugs, and lizards that the man had brought into his office over the past few months worried everyone. Not because everyone was as worried about Reno's health as Tseng was, but because everyone was creeped out by what he brought in.

At the moment Reno was busily making a home in the corner of his office for his new critter, something that worried Tseng as he watched through a crack in Reno's door. The nest Reno was building out of old files, destroyed ties, and, oddly enough, his own socks, was rather large. He hoped Reno was just overcompensating for his pet's size. He supposed he should simply enter the office and confiscate the creature, but in truth he was too scared to enter Reno's cluttered working space. The number of 'pets' he had accidentally stepped on and killed or made very angry by walking past had him put off entering the office. The 'pet' scorpions had been especially nasty; his foot had been swollen for almost two weeks.

Reno was muttering softly to the critter, his voice low and worried. Tseng raised an eyebrow, still too scared to enter the office. When Reno got worried about a creature he tended to get motherly. Maybe he had picked up a sick animal and a sick animal might be worse than the poisonous ones. Tseng watched as Reno pulled the being out of his jacket and set it in the nest, petting it with a sad sniffle. He cracked the door open further, checking the floor for beasties before he dared to step past the imaginary line of caution tape he had put up.

Reno jolted upright as Tseng opened the door and tried to block his pet from view, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "T-Tseng! Whaddaya want?"

Tseng raised an eyebrow, "Are you crying, Reno?"

"No!" Reno tried to regain his composure, but Tseng had already seen his tears.

"Yes, you are. What did you bring in this time?" Tseng pushed Reno out of the way and stared at the nest he had made.

Reno started crying. "It's my turtle. He won't come out of his shell anymore. I know that's normal when they start molting, but he doesn't usually stay in this long! It's been days! He was playing by the pond in my backyard and he hasn't poked his head out since. Not even for his favorite food! I'm worried he got sick." Reno wiped his eyes on his sleeve, making Tseng wrinkle his nose as he realized it was the same sleeve he had just wiped his nose on. Reno could be gross sometimes.

Tseng knelt down and examined the shell, raising an eyebrow. The shell was full of dirt, so much dirt that he couldn't actually see the turtle inside, and he had a very bad feeling about the small ant crawling towards his foot on the newspaper. "Reno, where did you find him?"

"By a big pile of dirt; I thought he had been digging again. He likes to dig up grubs and stuff." Reno sniffled sadly, his blue eyes red-tinged and sad.

Tseng sighed and knocked on the shell, shaking his head at the hollow sound it produced. "I think that dirt pile was an ant hill, Reno. I think, while he was molting and stuffed up in his shell, the ants got him."

Reno stiffened; his eyes wide. "What do you mean, got him!"

"I mean, they _got_ him." Tseng upturned the shell and whacked it's side a few times, sighing softly as dirt and the remains of the turtle fell onto the newspaper nest in a stinky pile. Ants crawled over the dirty remains and Tseng shuddered; he hated being right sometimes.

Reno started bawling in horror, kneeling beside the turtle's remains with an ear-splitting wail of sorrow. "NOOOOOOO!"

Tseng cringed and set the empty shell in Reno's hands. Reno always reacted this way to the death of a pet, even the pet flies had been loudly mourned over when their three days of life were up. "Did he have a name?"

Reno nodded and choked back a sob so that he could speak. "His name was R-Roger."

"Poor Roger. He was a good turtle wasn't he?" Tseng criticized himself heavily for pandering to Reno's silly whims; he should never have entered the office. That way he wouldn't have had to be the one to break the bad news that his stupid turtle was dead.

Reno nodded and clutched the empty shell close, rocking back and forth vigorously. "B-best pet e-ever."

Tseng patted Reno's back and sighed, Reno said that about every pet he had ever had. "I know." He looked at the remains on the newspaper nest and wrinkled his nose; ants were disgusting. He looked at the bawling man beside him and decided that Reno was going to be useless for about a week, maybe two. "Take the rest of the day off to mourn him. Bag up his remains and take them home."

Reno nodded and stood, holding Roger's shell close. "Got a b-bag?"

Tseng shook his head and looked at the mess. "No, I don't. I'll have the janitor bag them up for you and I'll bring them by later."

"O-okay. Thanks Tseng." Reno clutched the shell to his chest and stumbled out of the room, his eyes still leaking thick trails of sorrowful tears.

Tseng sighed and looked at the disgusting pile of turtle remains, knowing that in order to get the janitor to bag the mess instead of sweeping it away would require a substantial pay raise. He'd rather do it himself than have the janitor screwball him for money. He stood and went to his office, dumping the trash in his wastebasket onto the floor and taking the now empty trash-bag to Reno's office, shuddering as he tried to scoop up the mess without touching it. The pile of trash on his floor was far less disgusting and potentially hazardous than the large amount of turtle remains on Reno's floor. Who knew what diseases that stupid turtle could have carried? Tseng was going to go see his doctor after he was done dealing with Reno.

Tseng drove to Reno's house during his lunch-break, unable to eat when he knew there was a bag of turtle pieces sitting in the corner of his office. The ant that crawled across his desk while he worked hadn't made his appetite grow any either. When he got about half-way to Reno's house he decided that he had to buy a new car air-freshener; the one he had was not equipped to deal with rotting turtle stink. He pulled into the parking lot of the nearest store that looked like it might have car fresheners and sighed in relief as he stepped out of the putrid car air and into a fresh summer breeze. He walked inside and immediately recognized that this store was not one he had gone into before; generally he stayed away from the stores where everything in was being sold for one gil; in his mind if something was only worth one gil it wasn't really worth having it.

Tseng browsed the assorted items on the shelves, wishing that they were more organized. It seemed that everything had just been tossed onto the shelves as they were acquired and no actual planning had been in place when they were acquired. Tseng hated disorganization; it messed with his OCD-ish nature.

When Tseng finally found air-fresheners he loaded up his tiny green shopping basket with them, choosing a pungent yet not disgusting scent that would be sure to mask most of the rotting turtle smell. As he piled them into his basket, he accidentally knocked over a small tray filled with cube-shaped glass paperweights, spilling them onto the floor. He swore and knelt down, picking the tray up and setting the glass cubes back in their slots. He blinked as he examined the paperweights; some of them were actually quite ornate. Maybe he would get one for his desk to look pretty; he never had any papers piled up to be held down by a paperweight; it would weigh down his desk instead; no one ever knew when gravity would decide to stop working and make it drift off into empty space. Tseng placed them all in the tray and stood, setting them back on the shelf so he wouldn't have to stare at the disgustingly patterned carpet while he looked at them.

Tseng ran his fingers over the heavy glass cubes, searching for the one that would complete his desk. It was then that he noticed a glass etching inside one rather plain looking cube. He picked it up and looked it over, turning it in his palm. A tiny sea-turtle etching turned with the cube, its flippers caught mid-stroke as it attempted to continue swimming through the glass. Tseng sighed and slipped it into his basket, knowing that it wasn't going to be sitting on his well-organized and aesthetically pleasing desk. In fact, it would never enter his office. It would most likely be lost amongst the many yellowing papers floating through Reno's toxic office.

Tseng drove to Reno's house, his vision slightly obscured by the fifteen car deodorizers he had fitted onto his rear view mirror. There were nearly three dozen of them in his car covering all the air vents he could stick them too. Tseng breathed deep the scent of new car smell and tried to ignore the obvious turtle reek hiding under the nasal burning scent of a brand new car. Most people would say he had gone overboard in his attempt to completely block the smell, but not many of those people would be able to say they had ever smelt the remains of a rotted turtle. Tseng was sure the scent would never truly leave his car.

Tseng carried the bag at arms length as he walked up to Reno's front door, knocking loudly to get the most likely crying red-head's attention. He didn't want to be within arms distance of the rotten turtle remains any longer than he had to be. Reno swung the door open, his eyes red and puffy. "You c-came!"

Tseng shoved the bag of stinky remains into Reno's hands, pity plaguing him once again. "I said I would." He wanted to leave, but the tears still running down Reno's tattooed cheeks made him stay. Reno was like a sick puppy when his pets died; it was like kicking him whenever he had to be denied something.

"Will you stay for his c-cremation?" Reno wiped his nose on his sleeve, the same sleeve he had been using as a snot rag all day.

Tseng sighed and nodded softly, holding the paperweight in his pocket gently. "Sure."

Reno smiled softly and pulled Tseng inside his surprisingly not-disgusting home. His floor was clean and everything seemed fairly organized; the only problem was that on every counter there was a tank or bowl with a scaly lizard or slimy fish inside. Tseng looked around and shuddered at the sight of countless tanks lining the counters. Reno led him to a strange shrine he had crafted in front of his fireplace. Tseng sat as instructed and tried not to wrinkle his nose too deeply as Reno opened the bag of remains. Reno sniffled loudly and Tseng blinked at the tolerance for rotten turtle stench that Reno had; maybe Reno had buried enough rotten animals to not notice the smell that even now wafted out and made Tseng gag quietly. Tseng disguised his gagging as coughing and held his handkerchief to his mouth and nose, trying to block the stench. Reno hugged the bag of remains and dumped them into the fire, keeping the bag clenched in his fist. Tseng sighed in relief as the turtle remains sizzled on the hot logs in the fireplace.

Reno clenched the bag tightly in his fist and cried, shoulders shaking with sorrow. Tseng sighed and stood, setting a comforting hand on Reno's shoulder gently. Reno looked at him, his eyes large and watery. "I-I'm glad you c-came, Tseng. M-means a lot to have a b-buddy here."

Tseng nodded and reached into his pocket, pulling out the paperweight and setting it in Reno's hand. "Here. It's to remember him by." He was thinking about the possible airborne turtle ashes he was breathing and it was starting to make him feel sick to his stomach. That; and the bag in Reno's hand still reeked of rotten turtle. He needed to get back to work where everything was clean and- oh wait, he had dumped a basket full of trash onto his office floor. Maybe he would take the rest of the day off too.

Reno gaped at the paperweight and turned it in his hand, eyes tearing up more with gratitude. Tseng pulled his hand off of Reno's shoulder and turned to leave when he was suddenly attacked with a strong hug, the bag of turtle remains settling against his back as Reno squeezed his front. Tseng wrinkled his nose as Reno's boogery sleeve pressed against his back and he made a mental note to have his suit dry cleaned. Reno sobbed into his front and Tseng awkwardly patted his back, not sure how he was going to escape if Reno was deciding to be clingy and upset. Reno let go about the time Tseng was preparing to shove him off and he wiped his eyes on his sleeve, thankfully not on the same sleeve he had been using all day. "S-sorry, boss. I'll see ya at work t-tomorrow, kay?"

Tseng nodded and beat a hasty retreat to his car while he could, "See you at work." He sped off with his nose buried in his new air fresheners, wishing he had kept the bag in case he threw up on the way home; he was sure a few of the boogers on Reno's sleeve were stuck to his back.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: This is based off of my experience with a lovely turtle named Roger.<strong>

**Roger lived in the pond in the apartment complex I live in. My dog Shimmer and I would watch him swim around and do turtle stuff. When he started molting, he came up near the fence around the pond and I was soooo happy because I got to see him up close; he was really pretty. I sat and looked at him for a long time, scared to touch him because he was molting and might be cranky or in pain. My brother came home from work and looked at Roger a lot closer than I did, noticing that he had started molting near a giant ant hill that was under the fence. He told me Roger was dead and poked him with a stick, making a really hollow sound. I cried for about an hour over poor Roger's fate. **

**R.I.P. Roger, R.I.P.**


End file.
